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05/16/2003 Archived Entry: "A trip to the 70's"

In the 70's:

• Ketchup was red. Not green or purple.
  
• Cars were all different. You could tell an El Camino from a Corvette from a Volkswagen. Today you can't tell a Neon from an Intrepid from a Cougar.
  
• Politicians were politicians. They weren't marketed idols. Some of them had gap-teeth. None of them were big business. One of them was a peanut farmer. If one of them had an affair, it was hushed up. Nowadays, the mistress gets her own TV show.
  
• Kids didn't write their nickname on everything they could find. They were smart enough to realize that if they did that someone would recognize the name and their parents would whup their butt when they got home.
  
• No one cared what was in SPAM. It was good, crappy, cheap food. Mothers made casserole with it as the primary ingredient. Now you get spam over the internet, and although it's still crap, it's not food.
  
• If you were smart, you went to college or university and anyone's smart kid could become a doctor, lawyer, engineer or architect. Now only the richest parents can pay for a professional education for their kid.
  
• You could talk to a stranger kid on the street and people wouldn't accuse you of being a child molester. If that kid was being a dumbass you could give them a swat on the butt and send them home. Most parents would come over to your house to thank you - not sue you.
  
• One of your friend had a basement you could hang out in.
  
• Another friend lived next to a field you could run in.
  
• You could build a fort out of couch cushions and a blanket. Now it's just easier to load up a warez version of Bryce and throw together a 3D fortress.
  
• No one would bug you if you camped in a pup tent in the front yard.
  
• You and a friend could spend quality time with a loop of string or a sprinkler. No electricity involved.
  
• Your dad knew a lot of people. Now you don't know the people next door.
  
• If you were bullied, the bully would probably punch you. Now he might shoot you, stab you, bury you, carve a swastika in your forehead, or arrive at school to kill you and a bunch of other students and the teachers he hated.
  
• ....
  

Dammit. Ketchup was red.

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